Unfathomed

On Dealing and Dying, Part 1

I feel like so much has been going on lately. Not necessarily in my own life, but in everyone around me, and it affects me. My friends all have some kind of problem of another. And what have I been doing? Getting caught up in them and me and not much else. School and work and homework. I really have no idea what happened in the last month or more. If you asked me "So, Robyn, what did you do in Fabruary?" I honestly couldn't tell you. It's like I did nothing of consequence. I hardly even spent time with friends away from school. Course, I went to West Ed with Dara, and we were both so tired the second day that we just sort of walked around... XD yeah. LOve you Dara!

Mexico was a killer for a while. Should I or shouldn't I? I feel soo much relief that I'm not going. I really do. And while I'm still not sure if it was all in my own head, or God was telling me NO, or the Devil was tripping me up... I don't know, but I don't feel torn up about it. I do feel a little bit of dissappointment, because Brittany told me she was excited to go with ME. I figured she would have other friends there, which she does. She'll be fine. I still want to go on a short-term missions trip. But not now. Not with Mr. P or with Koinonia, or anything else. I want to go with a church or something. A trip that has a leader I can talk to and actually agree with on more than one point. AND most importantly, a trip that my GOD wants me to be on. I can only pray that I will know. Maybe He doesn't want to me to anywhere period. Maybe He wants me to stay here, find Him HERE.

I've been dealing with the whole trust issue lately. Why is it so hard, for instance, just to let it go? I know that God is so much greater, so much more powerful and capable than me. Infinitely. It shouldn't be so hard to let Him help me. But then again, it never is that easy, is it? Because the Enemy is always there too. My sinful human nature is always right beside my spiritual side. There are so many things to cloud the glass so that I can't see. But what is so good is that right now, this moment, I can know that God is here. I may not feel Him physically, but I can find a peace in my soul that He is watching and loving and holding me close.

posted by Robyn at 7:12 AM