How Maddening...
This is maddening. The world has gone on the same way since September, and it is worse than ever. So many people at school just don't care about God. Bible class is a joke, because we are learning about alcohol and how controversial it is. Can't wait to hear what Mr. P has to say about music. That'll be interesting. Lots of people are very protective of their music. But, seriously, if any poor Joe walked into our school and watched for a day, what would they see? They would see people who don't pay attention during prayer, they don't bring Bibles, they walk down the hall and slap butts and shove around and disrespect each other. They would see people who might as well be ghosts with the amount of God they have in their souls. Of course, I could never judge how close to someone God is, or how deep they really are into Him, but what is visible is not promising. We are supposed to look different. We are supposed to act different. I am guilty on every count about. And more. There is so much more. But the problem is, I just don't want to obey the "law" in my school. I don't want to, but I have to in a lot of ways. I've found my rebellious side this year, and it's scaring me. I feel like punching out Mr. Rand whenever I see him, because y'know what? He doesn't see anything. He doesn't hear himself give devotions in the morning. He doesn't listen to the voices of the people that should matter most to him: the students. No, "this is a parent run school." He is nothing more to me than a big hypocrite. "Papa Rand"??? Give me a big fat break.I could go on, but I know I shouldn't. I'm in the process of readying my heart to write an apology to beloved Mr. Rand. It's going to hurt my pride like you would never know, but I know I have to do it. Because I don't want to get on this school's bad side. I can't change anything with the authorities of the school. My parents can though, so I'm going to talk to dad and have him write a letter. Dang. This is one of the hardest things I think I've ever had to do. APologize to Mr. Rand for my comment/question about chapel families... kill me now.
I know that I cannot make a difference to my teachers. They won't hear me. But I do know that I am capable of helping my peers. I have a restlessness, and I know that God has to change that into peace. I can find freedom in peace that God gives me. I need freedom. Not in a way that I will rebel against all authority and be some fanatic for Jesus. "You're all going to HELL!" Nooooo. I need freedom to worship God, a freedom in my own spirit. I want a freedom to go somewhere and know that it is real. To experience something and be confident that is truth and not counterfeit. I need discernment and wisdom in my heart God, that I can worship in Spirit and in Truth and not draw back from you and wait for some sign that it is alright to go forward. I don't want to be wary all my life, but God let me know when it is You, and when it isn't. God help me to do Your will and no one else's. More of You, God. More of you.
posted by Robyn at
8:04 AM
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