Captivating
So I've been reading this amazing book called Captivating. And I know that Mrs. Quantz would have a fit if she knew I didn't even italic or underline or quoteish that title. Ahaa. Anyways, it's basically the kind of book that every girl should read. I don't care if you think you're a 'woman' yet: read it. Stasi and John Eldredge wrote it, and they talk about why girls are like they are. How God made us in His image, and we reflect Him in the very essence of feminity. At the heart of every woman we long to be romanced (what girl really truly doesn't like romance???), to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure (we're not meant to stay at home and be an invisible servant all our lives), and to unveil beauty (we all have a beauty that we hide). They write that God is like that. God wants desperately to be sought by us, to be loved by us, and He is a master of romance -- with all that undying love we always hear about. It's all about our hearts, and not being ashamed of it. Really, this book makes you think, makes you smile and most likely cry. (aha, Dara.)
Yeah... nothing I say could really give it justice. I just wanted to share this discovery, and that we should all read it. Vicki, Sarah, Dara, Brittany, JESSICA and all you other cool people out there. yes. Muaha.
I'm tired, so I'm leaving. And remember: I'll be gone this weekend. Dara, call me on Monday. Just do it.
Just don't ask.
Well... Christmas wasn't as bad I feared. Cousins came and cousins went. Sister, neice, nephew, more people... more food... lots of just sitting there and watching stuff. Yep. I did get some nice stuff though. Like Jason Upton, Starfield, and CSI. Pretty much great!
Uhm... I worked yesterday. Got paid double time, so I'm happy about that. Today I did almost nothing. Went shopping with Crystal and bought a bunch of clothes. I really have NO money now. Ah well, I needed shirts really really bad. Yep. Oh, and then we rented Ong Bok and House of Flying Daggers. Haven't watched Ong Bok yet... but Flying Daggers was so good! But So INCREDIBLY SAD. and rather depressing. But good... yeah. Now I'm trying to get it out of my mind by watching Much Music. Pffffft. Nothing good is on today. Blah.
I think... that's all I must say. I'm flipping tired, and watching something about the hottest couples of the year. What is wrong with me you ask? Please, please don't.
Holly Jolly... Christmas.
Well, dang. It's Christmas Eve and I'm not very happy about it. Why? because I'm tired. My mom was talking to my uncle Bill on the phone, and now I don't even know if they're gonna come. Mom was really upset and crying and stuff... because we can't afford a huge dinner... and don't have a lot of time... and Uncle bill was getting on her back about stuff.... What crap. I don't like this. I don't care if we don't have a ton of presents. I don't care if we don't have enough food for the whole frickin family. I don't care if they come. Maybe I'd rather they don't come.
I don't want them to ruin Christmas.
God, what's happening?
As you sleep
Close your eyes, and i will be swimming
lullaby's fill your room, and i will be singing
singing to only you
dont forget ill hold your head
watch the night sky fading red
but as you sleep, and noone is listening
i will lift you off your feet, ill keep you from sinking
don't you wake up yet, cause soon ill be leaving you
soon ill be leaving you, but you won't be leaving me
in the car, the radio leaves me searching for your star
a constellation of frustration driving hard
singing my thoughts back to me, and watching heartache on TV
but as you sleep, and no one is listening
i will lift you off your feet, i'll keep you from sinking
don't you wake up yet, cause soon i'll be leaving you, soon i'll be leaving you
but you won't be leaving me
don't forget i'll hold your head, watch the night sky fading red
but as you sleep, and no one is listening
i will lift you off your feet, i'll keep you from sinking
don't you wake up yet, cause soon i'll be leaving you
soon i'll be leaving you, but you won't be leaving me
-- "As You Sleep" Something Corporate
If My people called by My name
What if the armies of the Lord Picked up and dusted off their swords Vowed to set the captives free And not let satan have one more What if the church, for heaven's sake Finally stepped up to the plate Took a stand upon God's promise And stormed hell's rusty gates What if His people prayed And those who bare His name Would humbly seek His face And Turn from their own way And what would happen if we prayed For those raised up to lead the way Then maybe kids in school could pray And unborn children see light of day What if the life that we pursue Came from a hunger for the truth What if the family turned to Jesus Stopped asking Oprah what to do What if His people prayed And those who bear His name Would humbly seek His face And Turn from their own way He said that they would hear His promise has been made He'll answer loud and clear If only we would pray If My people called by My name If they'll humble themselves and pray If My people called by My name If they'll humble themselves and pray -----------------------------------------------------------
And what if we did? Imagine, people who turn to see
Jesus, not leaders on earth, not false prophets, not worship leaders, not counselors or any man. What if we lifted our voices in truth and praise and worship, without our own selfish motives or self-conscious attitudes weighing us down, keeping our feet still and our arms by our sides. What if we danced when music played, what if we bowed down to the LORD in silent worship, what if we sang to God with a voice so pure and selfless that it becomes a sweet fragrance to God. What if we prayed, not for our simple human desires, but for those around us. For God's people. What if the church taught the truth to it's people, instead of manipulating and lying and leading their sheep astray? What if people had strength and truth and sincerity and a complete will for God. What if we took our message to the people on our blocks, our peers, our generation? What if we showed them freedom in God, and a hope and peace that surpasses all understanding. A hope and a love and a faith that brings you into the arms of Jesus for eternity.
What then?
Forget me
I know I can never be quite true
In this storm I am torn apart
For every time I step near to you
I get thrown back to the start
I will say that I can change
That I will strip away my sins
And give you my life in exchange
But every time I fail, the pain just begins
I feel like I'm looking through a painted glass
An opaque world just beyond my sight
A curse, a shame, a whisper to the last
I long for it, I yearn for it, but I'm dying in the fight
If I fly, will You meet with me there?
If I use these wings to reach the sun
Will the wax melt to shower despair
And there will I be forever undone?
I want to reach You, to draw from You strength
I want to run, but I feel so lost for breath
I want to dance, but I'm being watched
I want to try, but I'm losing my passion
I want to cry, but I'm too dry inside
I want to FLY, but these wings are made of wax
I want... to forget myself and see You.
My my...
What is this? Nothing has happened to write about?? Gasp!
I feel like I've been drifting through the last week or so. I have been extremely tired and just in great need of a holiday! A loooong two week holiday called CHRISTMAS BREAK! Which is tooo short this year. Bah. I need to wake up and live for once.
How is that I could have nothing interesting to report you ask? Well, apart from a new class structure in Social (ahhaha, class structure, get it???) and various mercies from Mrs. Quantz and others, I haven't really been angry or joyous or anythign like that. Just sort of tired. Sleepy and not really caring. It's too easy to zone out during Chem. Dang.
I still need to buy more than half of my Xmas presents. Hopefully this weekend I can get out and shop again. It doesn't help that half of my shopping is waiting for me at Parable, and I don't get to go out there very often. =P Pretty exciting, I must say.... La la la lalala. OH, and I have a recital on Saturday. Freaking me out a little, becuase I'm not very prepared this time. I'm going to go practice some now... XD
Well, ho-hum, la dee dee. Christmas is almost here! Ten days or something silly like that.
Cheers, I'm gone
How Maddening...
This is maddening. The world has gone on the same way since September, and it is worse than ever. So many people at school just don't care about God. Bible class is a joke, because we are learning about alcohol and how controversial it is. Can't wait to hear what Mr. P has to say about music. That'll be interesting. Lots of people are very protective of their music. But, seriously, if any poor Joe walked into our school and watched for a day, what would they see? They would see people who don't pay attention during prayer, they don't bring Bibles, they walk down the hall and slap butts and shove around and disrespect each other. They would see people who might as well be ghosts with the amount of God they have in their souls. Of course, I could never judge how close to someone God is, or how deep they really are into Him, but what is visible is not promising. We are supposed to look different. We are supposed to act different. I am guilty on every count about. And more. There is so much more. But the problem is, I just don't want to obey the "law" in my school. I don't want to, but I have to in a lot of ways. I've found my rebellious side this year, and it's scaring me. I feel like punching out Mr. Rand whenever I see him, because y'know what? He doesn't see anything. He doesn't hear himself give devotions in the morning. He doesn't listen to the voices of the people that should matter most to him: the students. No, "this is a parent run school." He is nothing more to me than a big hypocrite. "Papa Rand"??? Give me a big fat break.I could go on, but I know I shouldn't. I'm in the process of readying my heart to write an apology to beloved Mr. Rand. It's going to hurt my pride like you would never know, but I know I have to do it. Because I don't want to get on this school's bad side. I can't change anything with the authorities of the school. My parents can though, so I'm going to talk to dad and have him write a letter. Dang. This is one of the hardest things I think I've ever had to do. APologize to Mr. Rand for my comment/question about chapel families... kill me now.I know that I cannot make a difference to my teachers. They won't hear me. But I do know that I am capable of helping my peers. I have a restlessness, and I know that God has to change that into peace. I can find freedom in peace that God gives me. I need freedom. Not in a way that I will rebel against all authority and be some fanatic for Jesus. "You're all going to HELL!" Nooooo. I need freedom to worship God, a freedom in my own spirit. I want a freedom to go somewhere and know that it is real. To experience something and be confident that is truth and not counterfeit. I need discernment and wisdom in my heart God, that I can worship in Spirit and in Truth and not draw back from you and wait for some sign that it is alright to go forward. I don't want to be wary all my life, but God let me know when it is You, and when it isn't. God help me to do Your will and no one else's. More of You, God. More of you.
