These Broken Wings Will Fly No Further...
God, Your people are amazing. I went to the conference this morning, and I saw Your people dancing and singing and shouting to you. I heard them crying out, and I was afraid to join in. I am wary... I want to make sure it's You. It's taken all day to warm up to it... I'm not used to energetic worship... but to heck with what I'm used to... God, Your prophet was there today. It was so cool just to see all the people he touched and prophesied over. He did it again tonight. Some things are weird, but it seems so pure... no one's falling over and barking like dogs... they're just in awe of You. And Your angels! I felt them. He was talking about them. He said they were around this one girl, and they could feel a wind swirling infront of her. Your angels are winds. Then I felt it.... There's no fans in that room. No draft nearby. All of sudden I just felt this wind rush over me. It only lasted a moment. But it was the angels dancing past me. Oh God... I have no words. I am in awe, and yet I am still cowering, unable to accept Your ways....But God, what is Your purpose?? Today has been.... beautiful and horrible. I don't know what to make of it. ALl the things I've seen and heard today... I want to tear out my heart and just cry... I want to run away from this, but I want to shove some sense into Pastor Dave and Carla... I can't stand this, I just want to cry... and i don't even know the half of it...
And my heart is breaking... for my dearest sister. I don't even know... but this night has ended on the worst thing... She was taken away from the service because Mahaelah was crying... and I guess she totally freaked on someone and chewed them out... and Pastor Dave was realllly mad. It scared me so much, because I didn't know what was going on. He just took Carla and Mike into the nursery, looking all mad, and then Mahaelah was shoved out and the door slammed behind her, then the pastor left... and Mike and Carla stayed in there for a bit. THen she came out absolutely breaking. I've never seen her so... completely in tears. I've been fighting them myself ever since. Oh GOD! How could she offend someone so much that the Pastor would say he would not invite them into the church anymore if she didn't apologize?? Everyone says Pastor Dave has such a big heart... and if he does I've seen it. He was impatient and irritated at their wedding... and now this??? What kind of Pastor is he??? What is he doing to break my sister so incredibly??? I can't stand it... and my heart is crying out.
I have heard prophesy today. I have listened to Your people shout out praise and talk about You. I have felt Your angels. But I have also seen my sister in a battle. Between her and Mike, between her and the kids, and this paster... Oh God I am breaking for her. Satan doesn't want her to be at this conference. He is doing all in his power to stop her... I know it. He is striking her where she is weak... with her anger and frustration against her kids and other people. Stuff that comes from no where... waking up angry at them all, yelling at them... She is in a battle God... be with her. Give her YOUR PEACE! Please God, I'm crying out on her behalf. Calm her heart, give her peace... O God... so many things have happened today... so many good and amazing things. Help her get out of this storm. Help her God, help my sister because I love her so dearly. So dearly.... I hate to see her hurt and so torn on all sides.... stop these attacks of the devil, God. Just stop them. She is being attacked on all sides... everything that matters. God be so near to her. God be so comforting to her. Please... let nothing come between You plans for her. Let nothing tear her down. Let nothing stop her from Your will... God give her the strength... just to endure.
We know when something is right and true and what God wants... because suddenly we are surrounded by the enemy and his tactics. We are attacked and torn apart, because he does not want us to even have a chance. I feel so torn inside... I feel so lost in sorrow... so confused. I was looking for You today, but I still don't know where to find you... I too am pressed on all sides. I too am in a desert, but I don't know if it is of my own making, or something I have truly fallen into. I can't hear You in my heart. And that is breaking me. God break me... I want to come before You broken, before i come before You at all. I don't want to ask for anything for myself until I have asked for forgiveness. I don't want to worship You because if I don't mean it... if my heart isn't right... it is offending to You. I am afraid to do anything. I am afraid to even ask... This is my battle... God I need to be defeated by it. Then I may come to You broken.
posted by Robyn at
11:25 PM
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