Unfathomed

Robyn wants a power struggle... oooo....

Well... yesterday was horrible. School was as boring as could be... nothing new there. But after school I had this second interview for Mexico. They said there was a question they forgot to ask me... and I wish they never did. See, this whole 'battle' over chapel seating is pretty tense. I can't really say it's a battle yet I guess... Becuase none of us have done anything about it yet. Except that I asked a question. So anyways, I got into this interview. Mr. Pedersen, Mrs. Boyce, Mr. Stenstrom, and MR. RAND. Yeah. The very man I don't want to talk to. And Mr. Pedersen comes out with this whole "Do you know what a power struggle is? Imagine a classroom with kids talking and stuff, then someone asks a question, this really big question or whatever, and it all goes silent. Do you k now that tone and the way a question is asked changes everything? It shows if there's an ATTITUDE behind it." AHHHHHHHHH! I couldn't believe it! Mr. RAND was there, for goodness sake! And he went on to talk about the question I asked in Chapel: "Why do we have to sit in families?" and he was like: "Did you notice that the whole room went silent?" I could say a bad word right now. I'll just settle for a strange choking noise in my throat... ACK. Even though it hardly does my thoughts justice. Ok... and I was like "yeah, I guess so." Like, come on! I was pressed for time. I had to be outta there for 4, and they just kept telling me stories and explaining things in a really weird hard to understand way... there was four of them staring at me. MR RAND. I hardly had a chance to say anything really. It bothered me. Because there was somethings I wanted to say but they probably came out wrong anyway. But then... ok he asked me "Could there be some attitude or some feeling or somethign like that underneath that question?" like rebellion or disrespect (GASP!) and I couldn't lie so I was like: "Yeah, I guess so..." (I wasn't very talkative at this poin.t SOrt of shocked, intimidated, frustrated, and holding back words that I knew I shouldn't say.) What was I supposed to do??? Tell them I hated what they were doing and I didn't believe it was for God at all? That the school is so concentrated on rules I'm curious how they stay so righteous to put on a mission trip?? Give me a break.
Ok, then they were like "Now, if we're down in Mexico and YUGO tells us to go somewhere or do something that is totally unexpected or disappointing or something, how can we know how people are going to react? We don't want anybody to be grumpy and pulling the group down." Slightly paraphrased, but basically that's what I got from what he said. I love hwo they make it general with words like "people" "Someone" "anybody"... really makes me feel less under attack. Really.
Then they asked how they could HELP ME. Basically if I got an attitude problem on the trip how can they punish me so I'll be obedient and do whatever they ask. GOD HELP ME. I hate it when teachers ask ' how can we help you do this or that or get thru this?" Yikes. It was a stupid question and I was kind of comfuised. I told them to give me a Bible and time to pray. Then Mr. Rand was like "We can help you, but are you willing to work with us?" -coughhackGAG- "Yes" I said. "but are you guys willing to listen to me?" I threw in some subtle hints about both sides listening to what the other had to say. I'm not sure they really caught it tho.
Then Mr. P went on about something to do with a signal... I didn't really get it. It was like he had a friend once (you know how he likes to use reall life examples) who made up this signal incase Mr. P started to cross the line and start sounding too harsh or getting away from the right tone or something like that. It went over my head, and I really didn't understand why.... yikes. Then Mr. Rand asked if I would be willing to make up a signal or something... and I was like... “......... sure.” exactly like that. Dots and all... I just wanted to get out of there and get them off my tail.

I am truly afraid to send in that letter now. Matybe they won't recognize my signature... but I'm sure they'll know it was me. I just know it. Because I'm the only one who freakin spoke up in chapel. Oooooo Robyn used the wrong tone. Oooooo Robyn wants a power struggle. And maybe I do. But I am sooo frustrated. Chapel was a joke today. Mrs. Quantz told us to go sit down... we weren't even able to stand in the back for the music... as amazing as our 'worship' is... then the speaker didn't even show up. So Mrs. Quantz went u7p and talked about some stupid thing about words... I don't evenk now. But it weasn't long enough and we had to start in a CHEM like twenty minutes early... It sucked a lot.

OK GOD. I know You have something planned for this year at school. Something is just building up in my own heart. This can't go on like this or we'll have uniforms by January. Putting people at the doors to see if they're chew2ing gum???? What is that? God can't you see how unfocused we are??? in BIBLe class we're debating about drinking alcohol. That's what we're doing. Wow. That's so amazing. I feel like I'm really learning. I am so bitter and angry at them all. I want things to change. So does Dara. God, You must have put this unrest in our hearts for a reason... unless it's only me talking. But we both have felt pulled to do something in our school. I'm not afraid of them. Well... Maybe MR. Rand. I'm afraid my words will be twisted and used against me. I'm afraid I won't be able to say what I need to say. That the same thing like yesterday will happen... I'll get no chance to talk and say the right stuff. God give me the words, give me the approach that is right. I don't want to disrespect them, because it will make them mad, and they won't hear me. God open their eears and their hearts. We are not a bunch of wild monkeys ready to tear down the school and stomp down God if we're allowed to chew gum and listen to music. How can we get over the awkwardness of corporate worship if we aren't even okay with the people beside us. What is the church going to be like if we are the next generation? If we are the dead generation... misled and misinformed. God give me the wisdom to do something for You. To wake them up. To give them freedom in You, not boredom. Hope not hopelessness. Love and joy instead of boredom. God I can't do it on my own. Dara can't do it her own. Give us Your measure on our lives and everyone in our school. Let us not be the only ones who have the yearning to do something real for once. Half the kids who leave this school will probably lose you even more. They are dry, I am dry. God, just rain down in Your amazing way. A real way, not conterfeit revolution. God, Your will. Your will in that school. I will pray for that: You will be done in us and in our school. Keep the lies away and the truth near. God free us from man-made rules. Let us live by your rules. Let us pray and come before you in worship and awe. Bow down in worship, sing, dance, and praise you in a way that praises you completely. Give the glory to God, our Lord and Saviour. Gives us a thirst and a hunger for You and Your coming Kingdom. Give us a passion for Your words and Your works. God keep your angels in our school and around every one of us. God I praise You. You are able to do anything. Bring something real, something true into our school. Your will, God. Your will.

posted by Robyn at 10:19 PM